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Gaining control of your life: Where’s your doorknob?
Doors are gateways, literally and metaphorically. Every day we pass through dozens of doors. We open doors, we close doors. We unlock doors, we lock doors.
Specifically, we open and close doors by the doorknobs. It is the doorknobs that control how and when doors are opened. A Buddhist lesson encourages us first to find our doorknobs and then determine if your doorknob is on the inside or the outside. If your doorknobs are on the outside you are subject to information from the outside crashing in on you. If your doorknobs are on the inside, you control the flow. You are able to turn the incoming information on and off accordingly.
One could argue that living overwired we have surrendered control of our doorknobs. Things flow into our homes, our offices, our lives, and our personal time that we do not control: voluminous e-mails, texts, phone calls from colleagues, late night documents to review, after-hours conference calls, the list goes on and on.
Understanding where your doorknob is located is the key to controlling the energy around you. It is your life and your doorknob. You can take control if you choose.
So ask yourself:
- Where is my doorknob?
- Is it on the inside, where you can control the flow?
- Or is it on the outside, where everyone else is in control of what comes at you and how you spend your time?
Once you understand where your doorknob is located, and who is controlling it, you can start to rewire for wellness.
Don’t be an April Fool: Four simple strategies to live better every day
Live better every day
Today, I am going to talk about simple strategies to live better every day. It’s April, which means my Marchoff is technically over. It was amazing to hear your resounding support. Several people reached out wondering how they to can take Marchoff, too. Here’s a sample e-mail from a client:
Doc: Can you write me a prescription for Marchoff? Sounds like a great medical development. Congratulations on your breakthrough!
My client was right—it was a breakthrough. My prescription for Marchoff was a success. But it wasn’t the breakthrough I expected. Instead, I re-learned the central lesson from my own book, Rewired, that wiring for wellness isn’t about taking a month, a week, or even a day off, it’s about making different choices, consistently and with purpose, every day, throughout the day.
Four ways to rewire
That is the essence of rewiring: making purposeful, thoughtful choices about how we live our lives, how we are present in our lives, and how, where, and when we use technology in our lives. You don’t need a month off (though it sure was nice!), you just need to make different, better choices every day. That’s rewiring.
As April begins, I am renewing my prescription for Marchoff, and I am expanding the name. Timeoff, Unplugged-and-Outside, Out-of-the-Office, and Screen-free don’t have quite the ring of Marchoff, but they are all the same prescription for rewiring. They are all about:
•Disconnecting—literally!—from your screens, gadgets, and demands.
•Doing so every day, for an appreciable amount of time.
•Activating something different in your brain and body—going for a walk, listening to music, playing a game, reading a book, etc.
•Doing only one thing at a time.
These are the very simple steps to unwiring and then rewiring for success. The consequences are tremendous: greater focus and clarity, greater health and happiness, and greater purpose and productivity. I’m no April Fool. I am continuing to take Marchoff daily.
I’m curious—what is your new Rewired drug of choice? What’s your version of Marchoff? Let me know!
Unwire in nature: The rewards are great!
This is a view from a recent run I took along the Charles. Ah, the beautiful Boston skyline. So lovely!
Rewiring for wellness: Marchoff is the new drug!
Out to dinner several weeks ago, a dear friend, the great writer and editor Joanne Gordon Berk (co-author, with Howard Schultz of Onward: How Starbucks Fought for Its Life without Losing Its Soul), asked about health challenges that I had been navigating for the past year and a half. I responded by saying, “Well, I’m taking March off.”
The restaurant was loud and the wine was flowing freely, and my friend responded, “Marchoff? I’m not familiar with Marchoff. Tell me, what does that drug do?”
Feeling a little impish, I shared my hopes with her: “Oh, Marchoff is wonderful. It helps you focus on what matters most. It enables you to sleep at least eight hours every night. You feel more grounded, centered, and focused, with a side effect of laughter.”
As I talked, her intrigue deepened until I could no longer keep a straight face. I then explained that I am taking the month of March off.
We erupted in gales of laughter that drew the attention of those around us. Immediately, Marchoff became a word that we tried to weave casually into conversations. It created a chain reaction and an outstanding side effect of laughter. Joanne’s Valentine’s Day e-mail to me read:
“Hope your VDay was lovely, full of chocolate and that magical drug, Marchoff. XO”
It is humbling, beautiful, and good for the soul to laugh.
I really am taking March off from travel and onsite engagements. But, as it approaches, I am starting to wonder, how do I ensure that I savor all the intended and unintended side effects of this miraculous drug?
One way is to use my own rewired strategies from my book, Rewired: How to Work Smarter, Live Better, and Be Purposefully Productive in an Overwired World, to ensure that Marchoff is as effective and rejuvenating as possible, strategies like:
• Setting boundaries about when to respond to e-mails, texts, and work
• Spending as much time in nature as possible
• Getting 8 hours of sleep, exercising at least 30 minutes a day, and drinking lots of water
• Spending quality, unplugged time with family and friends
And you know what? You don’t even need entire month off to rewire. Little efforts add up to big results. You can read more about rewiring for wellness here:
Taking the time to unplug
I’ve been racing around quite a bit lately. I was in California for the Summit Series, then the Dominican Republic for the Belizean Grove/TARA retreat, then New York, then DC, then back to Boston. We just moved into new a home/office space, so I’ve been living and working out of suitcases and boxes.
But you know what? I loved every minute of it! I love to travel, I love to connect with people, I love adventure, and I love to work.
And right now, I’m enjoying being back in Cambridge, in the solitude of my sun-filled home; I love that, too. Even though I love to travel, being home and settled (at least temporarily before I dash off again), reminds me of how important it is to reconnect with oneself.
It’s easy to get caught up in the go-go-go of it all, but is critically important to find the time to unwire, to unplug, and to rejuvenate oneself for wellness.
For me, right now this means taking the time to sit in the sun with my cat, to enjoy simplifying (clearing out closets, shredding unneeded files, etc), running along the Charles River with my husband, unpacking a box here and then, do a little yoga, and cook a nice meal.
Remember, we can be wired for wellness if we can unwire, too.
For more tips on rewiring for wellness, visit: http://www.aimleadership.com/resources/rewired/
Awakening at the Summit
I travel constantly and pride myself on my ability to connect with people. This is part of my life’s work and passion—teaching people how to make healthy and productive connections.
And, I had no idea how disconnected I could be from myself until last week, when I attended one of the most amazing events of my life—the Summit Series Basecamp in Lake Tahoe.
I feel like I’ve been punched in the gut, in the best, possible way.
I flew across the country to attend this event where I knew no one. The people there were dynamic and engaged and were turning their passion into good in the world.
If you know me, you know I love connecting, I am pretty open and I’m pretty committed to constant learning. There was something humbling and edgy about the Summit Series. There was a new intensity of connection and vulnerability, and I started to open up and experience profound internal shifts.
I started to notice that when I thought too much or too strategically, I showed up in the wrong place. But when I came from my heart, I showed up in the right place. The more I connected inward with myself, the more I was able to connect outward in a deep and genuine way.
Something awakened inside me at the Summit Series. I can best describe it as an intersection of inner knowing, clarity to express passion, and a little bit of, “Well, if not now, when?” This is what I try to get my clients to do every day, and here I was re-learning it for myself!
Sunday evening, as the Summit Series was concluding, a new friend, Adam Tichauer, the CEO of Playbutton, asked me what would be different as a result of our time there. This was a great question, and I really thought about it. For me, I know that I will not be afraid to be even more vulnerable, to open myself up more to life, to people, to problems, and questions. I will try to connect even more. And I want to be present in and passionate about my life.
Everyone can awaken to a better, more meaningful life. I want to share with you three of my takeaways from the Summit Series that everyone can use to live more fully, presently, and passionately:
1. Get out of your head. Try listening to your heart more, or your gut, or your spirit. Don’t overthink things. Sometimes, you should just follow your heart.
2. Get out of your safety zone. You don’t have to completely move over to terror’s edge, but if you don’t get out of your comfort zone, you will never grow, learn, or experience new things. Just try it. Put yourself out there. What’s the worst that could happen? For a great diagram of your comfort zone, look at this chart from my website: bit.ly/AEIO60
3. Be present. Turn off your gadgets and pay attention to the people and the world around you. Be present in your life. It’s the only one you get.
And sometimes, we need to re-learn these, even the so called “experts… “
How to connect this Valentine’s Day—and every day!
“Keep an open heart. We are wired to find love.”
— Helen Fisher
Since it’s Valentine’s Day, I am reminded of the importance of making heartfelt connections with the people around us. As humans, we need to connect with other people, and the deeper the connection, the more successful we are in our work, in our relationships, and in our lives as a whole.
Through coaching and training, people learn how to develop their emotional intelligence (EQ), which helps them build relationships and understand other people—in other words, to successfully connect with other people. The more virtual and complex our work becomes, the more critical this skill becomes.
A high EQ—being able to meaningfully connect with other people—is an incredibly important indicator of success. But connection isn’t just about succeeding in the workplace: connecting is about living fully and successfully as a person.
So, whether you seek to connect to a colleague, employee, employer, friend, family member, lover or spouse, here are some great ways to open your heart, open your mind, and develop stronger, more meaningful connections.
Five Tips To Connect More Everyday
1. Talk less, listen more. This shows the person that you are really present. Look them in the eye, listen to what they say, and really pay attention. Stop talking so much!
2. Ask purposeful questions. Purposeful questions are powerful. They dive below the surface, engage new perspectives, and cultivate new ideas. Move beyond “nice” and try to make a heartfelt connection. Don’t just ask how their day was or where they work; ask something interesting.
3. Turn it off. Your screens and gadgets, I mean. Nothing says “I don’t really care about you” more than choosing your smartphone over the person you are actually with.
4. Give them time. What most of us really want is someone’s time and attention (I’ve heard it said that kids spell love t-i-m-e.) Try to remember that when you are with people. Give of yourself what you can and try to focus on quality time and attention.
5. Recharge yourself. You can’t give what you don’t have. So often, we push ourselves to the very edges of our day, to the limits of our being. In order to connect meaningfully with others, we must remember to take the time to reconnect with ourselves by recharging. Find time throughout your day to be still, to reflect, and do something for yourself. A little goes a long way.
Work/life balance? Don’t worry about it!
Work/life balance is a tricky thing. Many of us stress about it, believing it is something that can be achieved if we just had a few more hours in the day, or if we just had a little help, or if we could just do a little less.
I think instead of worrying about achieving work/life balance (whatever that is!), we should focus instead on doing the things we love and being with the people who energize us, and doing less of the things that deplete us. This is a key component of rewiring for wellness, which I talk about in my book Rewired: How to Work Smarter, Live Better, and Be Purposefully Productive in an Overwired World.
Your time as precious. Your life is precious. So, as much as possible, be critical and judicious with the things and people who take up your precious time and attention. Ask yourself these six basic questions:
1. Who are the people who are draining my time and attention?
2. If I have to deal with them, how can I do so on my own terms?
3. What do I love to do?
4. What are the commitments I do not enjoy that I could give up?
5. Who do I love to be with?
6. Who brings out the best in me?
As much as possible, fill your life with the people and things that fulfill you, engage you, inspire you, and make your life better. Choose them, and you’ll never worry about work/life balance again.
Read more about Rewired at http://www.aimleadership.com/resources/rewired/
Resolve to rewire: Tip #3
Working smarter in an overtired world means being as focused as possible. Here is another tip from my book, Rewired: How to Work Smarter, Live Better, and Be Purposefully Productive in an Overwired World:
Stop shifting clutter. Start organizing and simplifying.
Clutter is distracting. Really distracting. In fact, researchers at Princeton’s Neuroscience Institute reported last March that clutter actually inhibits the brain’s ability to focus and process information because it vies for our energy and attention. Just like computers slow down when too many programs are open, we slow down when we have too much stuff demanding our attention. This is critical for workshifters! So, to think and perform better, get rid of the clutter and get organized:
• Take a look at your office or work area.
• Is it well organized or cluttered?
• Can you find what you need?
• Develop a system where you touch a paper or e-mail only once. Throw out or file papers you don’t need.
• Organize your supplies and files so you can find them.
Something draining or distracting you? Hide it or get rid of it. You want to create an environment that is energizing and helps you stay productive and focused, not one that distracts you with clutter.
Read more about Rewired at http://www.aimleadership.com/resources/rewired/
Resolve to rewire: Tip #2
Continuing with the theme of resolving to rewire, here is another tip from my book, Rewired: How to Work Smarter, Live Better, and Be Purposefully Productive in an Overwired World:
Stop letting technology use you. Start using technology.
Because the wired world is always at our fingertips, because it is always available to us, we have conditioned ourselves to always be available to it. We can sometimes feel like technology is using us, instead of he other way around. But the great thing about technology is that we can use it to our advantage. The two most common complaints I hear from my clients are e-mail overload and feeling hostage to their smartphones. Let’s tackle e-mail first:
• It’s your inbox — take control of it!
• Before opening anything, scroll through and delete all non-essential messages.
• Use your spam filter!
• Get off all those e-mail lists. Unsubscribe and don’t sign up in the first place.
• Create a separate e-mail address just for junk mail, RSS feeds, newsletters, etc.
• Establish a clear protocol with clients and colleagues about when to cc, so you don’t get unnecessary e-mails.
• Train yourself not to respond every time you see the new e-mail icon. Better yet, turn off that function. Even better, pick five or six times a day when you will open, read, and respond to e-mails.
The smartphone is a bit trickier, as for many of us it is the only phone we own. We can’t very well just turn it off or ignore it. But we can:
• Be liberal with caller ID.
• Let calls go to voicemail.
• Let callers know what our office hours are and when we will return calls.
By using technology properly, we can prevent it from using us.
Read more about Rewired at http://www.aimleadership.com/resources/rewired/